50 Signs You’re a (Typical?) Indonesian Blogger

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We’re Indonesians, we’re supposed to be typical. No matter where we are in this world.

Here are 50 signs you are indeed a (typical?) Indonesian blogger:

  1. You know who Enda Nasution, Budi Putra, and Ong Hock Chuan is.
  2. You’ve considered at least one out of three bloggers mentioned in #1 is reputably charming. Even if you’re a guy.
  3. Your main concern is the About page.
  4. Hell with SEO. Hell with global warming. You know that getting traffic from Kaskus as invasive as possible is the only key towards *success*.
  5. You shout out PERTAMAX! in almost everyone’s blog, because, you know lah, you’re one of the (361.000 and counting) mass.
  6. The only good reason you’re using MyBlogLog is because you’ll have blonde babes with big boobs calling you.. Admirers.
  7. Most of the times your cellphone’s beeping, it’s from Kronologger.
  8. You act more professionally in your blog than how you are in your office. Office is for leisure, coffee, and crappy jokes.
  9. When in doubt, use an emoticon.
  10. You own a blog that looks like a Mangga Dua cellphone shop.
  11. You huddle around, you don’t roam and explore in cyber solitude bliss. It’s the information age, it’s globality, high speed data from everywhere across the planet, but there you are: You’re like a slimy one-cell bacteria sliding closer towards the rest, creating a gooey lump of bacterias.
  12. Warning. Aside from being a germ; huddling around activities may require self-defeating, inferior, and thoughtless statements.
  13. When taking a bus, it’s not simply taking a bus; you’re actually doing a massive anthropological research article by observing the absentminded look of tired Jakartans around you. (For that matter, we salute you.)
  14. Moments later, you realise you’ve taken the wrong bus, because you’ve mistakenly hopped in metromini bus route “PR 4″. It’s supposed to say P 52 or something.
  15. You learn more about Indonesian natural sceneries and culture from foreign travel blogs, probably owned by a German or a Brit.
  16. You’ve once tried to build a website that starts with the word “Planet..”.
  17. You’ve taken pleasure in being an undercover conspiracy theorist. Every post have political tendencies in which all mysteries would be revealed on 2009 Presidential Election. And this post contains secret codes that can only be deciphered by the Freemasons.
  18. You have ranted and rambled on Malaysia/Malaysians at least once in your blog. Even if you don’t really hate them that much.
  19. You need traffic so badly, you’ve posted Bunga Citra Lestari pics or song lyrics on your blog. Sarah Azhari, if you’re really that desperate.
  20. Not being able to adapt to the subtle competition and jealousy amongst bloggers, you end up creating your own “Blogger of The Week” or “Blogger of The Month” reviews on your blog.
  21. People have been wondering why you’re taking photos of your own food. Indomie rebus, or maybe the kobokan with jeruk nipis in it would be interesting.
  22. You’ve been getting compliments for the last 134th blog posts. Great. Now you’re going to comment on your own posts as someone else, because you desperately need someone who is tough, disagreeable, and yet genuinely provoked by your words.
  23. You own and wear a “Good Guys” tee shirt.
  24. There are so many (avatars of) babies and toddlers around, you’re thinking of installing a kiddy playground WP plugin. Or at least, design one.
  25. You’re too proud for link exchanging. Eventhough you have tried sweet talking your way into it.
  26. You suddenly have the ability to speak in Javanese accent or tones. Even if you’re not Javanese.
  27. You’ve developed a fashion taste for black suits, buttoned down collar shirts, and tie. All neat and conservative. Orange crocs are considerable–but only for traffic.
  28. You seem or sound like “anak alim” or “anak baik-baik”.
  29. You have a degree in technology, and yet you sound like a car salesman. A very good one, that is.
  30. You know you should’ve write shorter posts. Only insane bloggers write a list of 50 things.
  31. You’ve agreed and supported whatever the steering committee have said. Even if you’ve anxiously wondered whether any of the “newfound voice” will make your blog sound stupid.
  32. You know what the steering committee is, you can name each person consisted in it, and you’ve commented each of their blog posts.
  33. Maylaffayza is the sexiest blogger alive.
  34. ..Oh, she’s a violinist too!?
  35. You’re either on your 30ies, 40ies, or older. If you’re on your twenties, you know you should’ve been in some mall right now.
  36. You assume using one’s own name as a domain applies to celebrities and fan clubs only. E.g.: marisaduma.net (Sorry, I am simply too indecisive to choose catchy poetic titles for *d’oh* my own domain. Now where should I sign my autograph?)
  37. The blogosphere suddenly reminds you of “ruang senat” back in the good old days.
  38. You’re thinking of creating a new cult or religious sect, just because you want to build your own religion-based bloggers’ community. Call us up if you decide to worship Cheese and Coffee.
  39. If you’re male, you’ve had experience blogging only wearing your sarung.
  40. If you’re female, you’ve had experience blogging only wearing your daster.
  41. Thirty years from now, the 27th of October would be the day when you will gather your grandchildren and tell them that you’ve taken part in making history.
  42. You have.
  43. You’ve been persuading your wive or your husband, your cousins, your colleagues, your high school buds, even your dog to blog. Or cats. Or that ikan koi swimming innocently in your typical Indonesian indoor pond.
  44. You’re the first cowboy in your neighbourhood that greets your Pak RT with a “Howdy!”.
  45. You attach a Technorati stat widget along with your Curriculum Vitae. (I’d do this.)
  46. It took an hour just to push that “Post” or “Publish” button.
  47. The only good reason you’ve secretly been reading Journal by The Lightbeamers, MD. is because you’ve always wanted to find bloggers mad (or honest?) enough to publish politically incorrect statements.
  48. You’re reading this post.
  49. You don’t laugh at the jokes.
  50. Uh-oh. Do I see a big goofy Indonesian grin there? Hm! Awesomeness. Underpaid and overworked blogging suddenly has a meaning all over again.

Reality is (always) inadequate, but it’s the little things that count in life.
Hope everyone likes this typically overdramatized list, feel free to state whatever you agree or disagree with from the list so that all of us can learn and understand more.

Deep inside, I heart gooey lump of bacterias.

I am not happy. Please don’t send me to places with no internet again. Ever again. It’s cruel and unusual. I am not happy. In fact, i am very depressed. Please cheer me up. Send me porn.

– Treespotting

PS: Use Toggletext [Link] for translation to Bahasa Indonesia.

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Hello. You are now reading an article written by Marisa Duma, published on 21Jan08 along with other notes on Blogosphere, Indonesia, Lifestyle, Listings, People.
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